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THE AUTHOR ENGAGED IN AN EXPERIMENT 


































Practical Child Training 


PARTI 

EASY LESSONS FOR TEACHING 
OBEDIENCE IN THE HOME 


By 

RAY C. BEERY 

A.B. (Columbia), M.A. (Harvard) 


The Parents Association, Inc. 
449 Fourth Avenue, New York 




3 % 


COPYRIGHTED, 1917, BY 
International Academy of Discipline 

Copyrighted, 1917, by 
The Parents Association, Inc. 

Copyrighted in Great Britain, 1917 
All Rights Reserved 

Copyrighted, 1918, by 
The Parents Association, Inc. 


i 


Gift 

Miss Frances S.Hay 

July -8,1931 


FIVE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


There are five fundamental principles of discipline 
based upon instinct that underlie this system of 
practical child training. They are embedded in every 
lesson that follows, but deserve general discussion 
apart from their specific applications. They are 
the principles of suggestion, of substitution in choice, 
of parental initiative in cooperation, of parental 
expectation, and of approval. 

1. SUGGESTION 

By suggestion is meant the art of hinting at a 
desired course of action, thus making a direct com¬ 
mand unnecessary. For example, the 
Illustration father is passing to the room where 
the mother lies ill. He walks on tip¬ 
toe, and speaks, if at all, in subdued tones. Arthur 
and Fannie rush into the reception room, just home 
from school, and almost bump into the father. He 
may raise a finger in caution, thus suggesting to 
the children to be more careful and deliberate, then 
continue on his way to the bedside. He gives no 
word of command, but instantly both children are 
eager to see mother, and follow him in silence and 
quietness. All gather about the mother and give the 
usual greeting, but with a welcomed moderation—all 
due to suggestion. 


13 


14 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


Every tactful person employs tins method in deal¬ 
ing with his fellows, the factory foreman, the office 
manager, the school teacher, and the mother who 
hangs good mottoes on the walls so that they may 
stimulate to noble acts. The advertiser re-echoes cer¬ 
tain phrases which suggest advantages to the pur¬ 
chaser until the latter invests. The orator suggests 
more than he says and wins a glory which, in fact, is 
due to the hearer’s imagination. 

Suggestion is always a proposal to act. If some¬ 
one injects an idea of an action into your mind and 
you oppose it mildly, if at all, and accept it un¬ 
critically and automatically carry the idea into 
action—this is a typical instance of suggestion. 
You go for a drink of water, and suggest to me that 
I, too, am thirsty; you yawn, and I am made con¬ 
scious that it is time to retire ; here, by suggestion, 
you have led me through a chain of acts in which I, 
perhaps, was entirely blind as to what stimulated 
my action. These are instances of normal sugges¬ 
tion. Parents must make constant use of this prin¬ 
ciple in order to reform their methods of training 
children. 

The fact is that a direct command or request runs 
the chance of arousing a long list of antagonistic im¬ 
pulses, of awakening slumbering op- 
o^nff^Tstion P os iti° n > stirring up debate and 

questions. The indirect approach 
by suggestion obviates nearly all of these dangers. 
It uses an automatic machine set in the very center 
of a child’s life. It is readily connected with other 
parts of his life and may largely govern his conduct. 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


15 


But, on the other hand, suggestion may induce 
evil action as well as good. Many times children 
must be protected from their own suggestions. A 
four-year-old is allowed to play that her dollies are 
alive, that the chair is a horse, that mother is a * 
lady-visitor, and so on to the end of the chapter. 
Yet this dramatic impulse may naturally lead to the 
suggestion of actual falsehood a few years later. 
“Phantasy and suggestion,” says Tracy, “are fur¬ 
ther chief causes of mendacity. . . . An unbridled 
phantasy and a strong love of success will easily 
cause older children to assert what to them is at 
most only vaguely known ... a stronger mind can, 
through suggestive questions, easily overcome the 
child’s own conviction and bring him to the confes¬ 
sion of that which sharply contradicts the actual 
facts.” 1 A large proportion of the hurtful con¬ 
ditions in a degraded home appear in the form of 
unhealthful suggestions from vicious persons. These 
damaging promptings to action occur, to some ex¬ 
tent, in all homes; they are to be displaced as rapidly 
as possible by helpful suggestions. 

A very useful application of the method of sugges¬ 
tion may be designated the leading suggestion. An 
example will make the idea clear. A 
Suggestions machinist concludes that his four¬ 
teen-year-old son has the promise of 
becoming an efficient locomotive engineer. The im¬ 
mediate problem is to save the boy from infatuation 
with some less worthy occupation, say the moving 

1 Psychology of Childhood, p. 185. Heath. 

Allpublishing rights reserved. 


16 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


picture craze, and, perhaps, of burying his talents 
in the operator’s booth. Long talks are useless. 
The father decides to purchase some parts and make 
others for the purpose of constructing a model of a 
locomotive. All this he does in a spirit of coopera¬ 
tion and comradeship with his son. But one caution 
is necessary. The father must assure the son that 
he, the son, must do the work needed to complete the 
model. The job is to be broken up into small tasks, 
a part of which the son can easily manage. If the 
father assembles his parts and materials and com¬ 
mences the actual work of constructing the model he 
has offered a powerful inducement to the boy to 
continue and complete the task. 

The boy commences the work, and after some days 
pass, he accomplishes the portion laid out by the 
father. Again the father steps into the little shop, 
works a half hour and lays out another small task. 
So the work continues until its completion. 

The father has reinforced and directed, with his 
own momentum, an idea that lies in his son’s mind. 
Neither person discusses the relation between them, 
perhaps, but the effectiveness of the reinforcement 
of a weak impulse by a strong will has won success. 

In making use of leading suggestion, then, note 
that parents are to divide tasks into small parts , are 
to cooperate actively in moments of indecision , are 
to lead the children on a step at a time , until inde¬ 
pendent action and definite progress are assured . 

2. SUBSTITUTION ^ 

If our choices were always wise, the problem of 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


17 


the betterment of the human race would need never 
to arise, perhaps, because each person would always 
be making advances on his own initiative. As mat¬ 
ters stand, it is necessary that every one of us 
secure aid in selecting the lines of activities and 
principles of conduct according to which we shall 
mold our lives. 

Education may easily be defined in terms of choice. 
An educator is one who helps an immature individual 
so to choose in his earlier years that 
when the full book of life is written, 
its records shall be honorable. The 
individual is repaid who has thus established good 
habits of choice; he learns to weigh alternatives with 
wisdom and to select with prudence. Particularly in 
corrective discipline a thoughtful parent is always 
face to face with the problem of how to induce a child 
to choose correctly. A disobedient child has chosen 
to follow a course of action that has been prohibited 
by some rule or request laid down for him. A truant 
boy has elected to abandon school contrary to the 
law and to the wishes of his parents. An indolent 
boy has chosen to satisfy his lower tastes rather than 
to obey the dictates of his better judgment. How 
change a wrong choice into a right one? This is the 
problem that confronts the parent. 

With these and similar facts before us, we can 
state the fundamental law of substitution with pre¬ 
cision and appropriateness, namely, 
The Law stated drive out evil with the good; select 
the nobler and abandon that which is 
debased; forsake the better and adopt the best. The 


18 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


negative statement of this principle is, “Doing noth¬ 
ing is impossible.” The universal law of nature 
which seeks to avoid pure vacancy, reappears in 
human experience to the effect that the attempt at 
suppression of a natural impulse, that is, leaving a 
living creature with no outlet for his energies is a 
hopeless attack upon an irresistible force. 

“You cannot push the Niagara river back into 
Lake Erie and keep it there, but you can, by creat¬ 
ing new channels for it, make it drive the wheels of 
factories in the service of man. So often with the 
impulses of human nature.”—Thorndike. 

In the application of the principle of substitution, 
one of its most conspicuous features is that it re- 
SuTbstitution duces, and in many cases, eliminates 
versus prohibitions. Prohibitions are at- 

Prohibition tempts to repress activity. Due 

examination of the facts will show that prohibitions 
are always depressive to the human spirit. There 
is such an unbounded supply of energy in the human 
organism that imprisonment of the body and frustra¬ 
tion of will seem to be the greatest menaces to human 
happiness which can be devised. 

It is the definite purpose of our course of instruc¬ 
tion to educate our readers out of the unnecessary 
use of prohibition as a means of directing children’s 
activities. We are well on in the age where corporal 
punishment is tabooed by well-informed people, ex¬ 
cept in rare cases, with very young children. But 
the light of new intelligence on prohibition as a 
desirable means of controlling childhood has but 
dimly dawned either in the world of educators or in 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


19 


the homes of the country. There are many attempts 
to guide youth by means of substitution, but too 
often the application of the principle is only super¬ 
ficial, piecemeal and partial. 

Let it be clearly understood that progress in char¬ 
acter-building and in the general training of a child 
is totally dependent upon the good sense of parents 
and teachers who know how to use the principle of 
substitution. The child begins life as a helpless little 
animal. The advances made duripg childhood and 
the period of youth in each case are due to the 
acceptance of human ways of doing things in place 
of the natural animal modes of existence. The pres¬ 
ence of an experienced person is foreordained by 
nature for the purpose of choosing for the child 
during his earliest years, that which will give him 
samples of the best methods of using his own power 
of choice. 

As years pass, a wise parent permits his child 
more and more liberty in choosing, advising him 
frequently as to the value of his choice, and recom¬ 
mending to him the substitution of other ways of 
acting when the child has not used good judgment. 
The doctrine here presented is to be applied in deal¬ 
ing with a child under every circumstance and 
condition. 

When a child is intoxicated with some program of 
direct action that is disliked by parents, the prudent 
course to follow is to select an activity that is pleas¬ 
ing to the child and yet harmless. Many a home 
has saved its boys and girls from ruinous dissipation 
by providing wholesome entertainment within the 


20 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


family circle. Perhaps you have entered a home 
where a youth of eighteen has gradually accumu¬ 
lated, with the help of father and mother, a bass- 
drum, cymbals, balls, whistles, triangle, and a com¬ 
plete equipment of “traps.” The boy has found a 
satisfying type of amusement which saves his own 
soul, and adds to the pleasure of his relatives and 
friends. 

Not only in these larger matters does one sub¬ 
stitute good for the bad, but in very small details, as, 
for example, in the selection of food for a child, in 
the assignment of places at the table. In a thou¬ 
sand ways the wise father and mother can preserve 
the good will of the child without destructive sup¬ 
pression of natural impulse. 

3, PARENTAL INITIATIVE IN 
CO-OPERATION 

Comradeship between parent and child should be 
secured at all hazards, but this doctrine must be 
examined in its particulars. Our principle, briefly 
stated, is this: “Satisfy any hope, desire or antici¬ 
pation of a child and he will surrender in so far to 
your control.” When he notices that you are min¬ 
istering to his good, be it ever so small in real value, 
his instincts compel him to respond with a sentiment 
of good-will. Here, again, we are dealing with an 
elemental fact in human nature. The reaction of an 
experience that brings comfort, pleasures, physical 
glow, an attitude of reverence, always is of a chair- 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


21 


acter to fuse the interests of a child with those of 
the one who brings him these satisfactions. 

This emotional reaction between the giver of 
pleasure and the recipient of it is 
^^thoLaw^° f on€ the strongest ties in all human 
society. Consequently, if we can 
order our relations with children in accordance with 
it, we can be assured of always securing a more or 
less adequate response from them. 

The law we have been discussing places children at 
the absolute comjmand of any one who knows how to 
manipulate circumstances. Every child has a num¬ 
berless variety of interests, tastes, longings and 
expectations. Even the most uncultivated person 
cannot but wisely select some of the serviceable 
points of contact with his child. If father or mother 
really desire to associate intimately with the child, 
they are watching his interests, and planning how 
they may satisfy the child’s nature. 

Success in the management of the child cannot 
be attained if the application of this principle of 
cooperation is ignored. Neglect of it places the 
child and parent in a state of antagonism. The 
adult will cross the path of the child so frequently 
as to destroy the simplest relations of good-will. 

In order to prevent misunderstanding, it is neces¬ 
sary to distinguish between this initiative in coopera¬ 
tion in the management of children 
Buying- and the mere purchase of their good- 

Good Behavior 

will. In the latter case, we give a 
reward for doing duty. We cannot for a moment 
agree that this should be the chief dependence of a 


22 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


parent in securing obedience and good relations gen¬ 
erally with his child. Such a device is a misapplica¬ 
tion of our principle. We propose, rather, to con¬ 
sider the ordinary actual needs, tastes, and desires 
of a child, and to recommend a method of meeting 
these needs that will bring the child into a “loving 
captivity” to father and mother. Use of presents, 
rewards, and the like cannot, of course, be dispensed 
with, but they should not be employed as a means of 
establishing good relations between the child and 
parent on a merely commercial basis. Rather, they 
may best be used as serving an actual necessity in 
the child’s life. If we give Philip a tricycle, it is 
done, not to pay him for attending school, but be¬ 
cause he needs a tricycle as a plaything. The love 
which a mother makes known to her child in giving 
him this present, will, of course, draw forth a corre¬ 
sponding affection from him. 

Furthermore, let us distinguish between our prin¬ 
ciple and a weak surrender to any childish whim. 

Our supplementary injunction is, 
Surrenderingr t° “j) 0 b es t thing under the circum- 
stances for the child, so conducting 
the affair as to show your good will and to make it 
natural for the child to respond with a genuine grati¬ 
tude. This ministration to the tastes and needs of a 
child, under the principle of cooperation, is to be 
carried out also with our doctrine of substitution in 
mind; consequently, if a child calls for a gift or 
favor which is impossible or injurious, it depends 
upon the better judgment of the parent to select 
some other request of the child which he can grant 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


23 


without hesitation, and which will in the end cement 
the bonds of love which unite the two. 

Occasionally, parents are overcautious in the mat¬ 
ter of a strict regime for their children. They are 
fully aware of the dangers of concession and indul¬ 
gence, but err by guiding their conduct toward the 
opposite extreme. 

Again, we must distinguish between cooperation 
and a submergence of the child with parental ideas, 
plans and projects. The parent 

Excessive who, i n order to satisfy his children’s 

Gratification , J 

expectation of a delightful Christ¬ 
mas, covers the floors of several rooms of his mansion 
with Christmas presents, has displayed a lavishness 
that is more harmful to his children than a refusal 
to buy them a single toy. Even though the pocket- 
book of the parent could not afford such rash ex¬ 
penditures, if he were continually telling his child 
that he would like to supply him with an over¬ 
abundance of satisfactions, the result would not be 
far different. 

There is a way of satisfying a child of any age 
without excessive expenditure of time, effort or 
money. Parents can lead without dominating. They 
can furnish what is needed in the development of 
the child’s life without reducing him to slavery. A 
parent who really comprehends the drift of a child’s 
mind, can very readily give large leeway to impulse, 
and by mild suggestion lead the child to those 
pleasures and comforts he so earnestly desires with¬ 
out permitting him to suppose that all that he has 
won is some adult rubbish for which he has little or 


24 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


no use. Father and mother may become passion¬ 
ately devoted to the welfare of a child and yet escape 
being silly. 

Perhaps we should advance at once a list of those 
items which a parent may well consider in attempt¬ 
ing to carry out this principle of cooperation. Our 
catalogue could be extended without limits, but min¬ 
istering to the need of a child may be attained by 
means of a story, reading from an interesting book, 
taking a walk, careful attention in sickness, sym¬ 
pathy for hurts and disappointments, assistance in 
accomplishing severe tasks, protection from dangers, 
the allowance of a weekly or monthly 

Suggestions stipend, consultation on family proj¬ 
ects, discussion of the child’s future, 
evident pleasure in being with the child, etc. An 
older individual knows many of the things which 
delight a child’s heart. Our hope is to direct atten¬ 
tion more specifically to that aspect of a parent’s 
method where he has neglected careful attention to 
the application of the principle of initiative in 
cooperation. Parents can well afford to study the 
strategy of management developed from the above- 
named principle. Its neglect will precipitate many 
blunders; its observance insures the making of char¬ 
acter in both child and parents such as nothing else 
can produce. In fact, our principle is nothing more 
nor less than the specific application of the “law of 
love.” 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


25 


4. PARENTAL EXPECTATION 

Success in the management of children is very 
largely dependent upon the conviction that the father 
or mother always maintains a persistent expectation 
after giving commands. This is, in effect, a con¬ 
tinued injection of a personal element into the pro¬ 
gram of action that a parent may lay out. If it is 
evident that the command has arisen out of careful 
judgment and that the parent knows what is best, 
and consequently expects the child to conform to 
the command without hesitation, the boy or girl is 
sure to profit from the weight of personal power 
that accompanies the command. 

Mere words have little effect upon people, espe¬ 
cially children. It is the power of another will that 
sustains the child in any attitude of obedience that 
may arise in response to a parental request or a 
command. 

In the Great War many a British subject, with¬ 
out questioning the call to arms, responded to that 
powerful slogan, “England expects you to do your 
duty.” Here the great commonwealth speaks as a 
person and lays a winning hand upon the innermost 
sentiments. 

We have found, in dealing with children, that 
expectation on the part of one’s superiors has a 
larger meaning than is commonly 
’to* offl." Term" attributed to the term. In effect, 
when a parent discloses his will or 
wishes, if he positively and unswervingly expects a 
child to obey him, he exerts upon the child a power- 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


So 

ful urgency of will. This is in effect very significant 
reinforcement of the child’s impulses to act. It is a 
silent insistence that the thing be done. It is a very 
refined way of saying, “You must do what I want 
you to do.” The expectation of which we speak is 
not that of stern, autocratic exhortation or com¬ 
mand; it is more courteous and subjective; it is, in 
fact, an attitude that is not passive, but is charged 
with energy. 

The expectation of a child’s associates has the 
force of a magnet in stimulating a child’s activities. 
It serves the purpose of a spur to the lagging nerve 
centers of a child’s organism. It is a prop to sup¬ 
port the child at every advance he makes. It is a 
powerful agent that crystallizes weak purposes so 
that the complete action is easily attained. 

The effect of your expectation begins to operate 
as soon as the child catches the idea in your word of 
command. The very words with 

the Principle which you express your wishes dis¬ 
close your own attitude toward your 
child, and convince him either of your determination 
or of your indifference in controlling him. A re¬ 
quest may easily be so phrased as to have all the 
force of a stem command. In this case the will 
pushes boldly forward, even though the words chosen 
are the mildest and the idea is entirely welcome to 
the listening child. A request or command, properly 
expressed, conveys the idea that you will continue 
in a state of insistent expectancy until the desired 
action is accomplished. 

If the interview is in any way extended, the sen- 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


27 


tences following the word of command must “catch 
up” the expectation from it and pass it on to the 
end of the conversation. 

In like manner, the bodily actions must convey the 
thought of expectation. This may be done by the 
extension of the hands, by leaning the body forward, 
by an eager and forceful expression of the eyes and 
of the face generally; in short, by all the muscular 
reactions which ordinarily are unconsciously used to 
indicate the mental attitude of expectation. 

The expectation of compliance with the parents’ 
will is, of course, to be embodied in the assignment 
of all duties, in the expression of all requests, desires 
and hopes; in fact, in every effort that is made to 
control the life of a child. 

It may happen that in a group of children one 
dislikes the program that father or mother lays 
down. In such a case it is often quite easy to line 
up the other children with the parent in such a way 
as to make the rebellious child clearly sense his isola¬ 
tion and loneliness. In the face of the common pur¬ 
poses about to be carried out, this is, in effect, an 
application of our principle of expectation, since it 
is the result which the child may naturally anticipate 
if he fails to meet the expectations of his parents. 
Only such compliance with the parents’ wishes 
shoul entitle the child to share in their favor or 
rewards. 

A capital instance of the effects of confident ex¬ 
pectation in a familiar setting is to be found in 
Eggleston’s “The Hoosier Schoolmaster,” where 
Hartsook enlists the good-will of Bud, the young 


28 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


giant. The schoolmaster, as you may remember, 
admired the strong frame and mighty muscles of 
Bud Means, one of his older pupils. For the sake 
of his own success, he early decided that it was 
necessary to make a friend of Bud. The first Mon¬ 
day morning he walked to school with Bud and the 
following conversation occurred: 

“I guess you’re a little skeered by what the old 
man said, a’n’t you ?” 

Ralph was about to deny it, but, on reflection, 
concluded that it was best to speak the truth. He 
said that Mr. Means’s description of the school had 
made him feel a little down-hearted. 

“What will you do wiith the tough boys? You 
a’n’t no match for ’em.” And Ralph felt Bud’s eyes 
not only measuring his muscles, but scrutinizing his 
countenance. He only answered: 

“I don’t know.” 

“What would you do with me, for instance?” and 
Bud stretched himself up as if to shake out the 
reserve power coiled up in his great muscles. 

“I shan’t have any trouble with you.” 

“Why, I’m the wust chap of all. I thrashed the 
last master, myself.” 

And again the eyes of Bud Means looked out 
sharply from his shadowing brows to see the effect 
of his speech on the slender young man. 

“You won’t thrash me, though,” said Ralph. 

“Pshaw! I ’low I could whip you within an inch 
of your life with my left hand, and never half try,” 
said young Means, with a threatening sneer. 

“I know that as well as you do.” 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


29 


“Well, a’n’t you afraid of me, then?” and again 
he looked sidewise at Ralph. 

“Not a bit,” said Ralph, Wondering at his own 
courage. 

They walked on in silence a minute. Bud was 
turning the matter over. 

“Why a’n’t you afraid of me?” he said presently. 

“Because you and I are going to be friends.” 

“And what about t’others?” 

“I am not afraid of all the other boys put to¬ 
gether.” 

“You a’n’t! The mischief! How’s that?” 

“Well, I’m not afraid of them because you and I 
are going to be friends, and you can whip all of 
them together. You’ll do the fighting and I’ll do 
the teaching.” 

The schoolmaster did not expect trouble and 
therefore he did not have it. The incident cited 
above shows clearly that if he had expected trouble 
he would have found it. 

All the appeals to the honor of a child that have 
any worth whatsoever are based upon the compell¬ 
ing expectation of a wise father or mother. Many 
a child can be safeguarded from falsehood by being 
compelled to look squarely into the eyes of an honest 
parent, who questions him with kindness and yet with 
unswerving insistence that the truth and the truth 
only shall be told. 

Expectation, in the nature of the case, deals with 
the future, but if the method we suggest is adequately 
applied, the parent must definitely project himself 
into the future by the proper manipulation of the 


30 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


details of his plan of action. In a word, expectation 
requires that you burn your bridges behind you, that 
all means of digression from the proposed course of 
action be destroyed so far as possible. 

For example, it may be necessary to accompany a 
small child to school on his first day. If again, on 
the second morning, he insists that mother go with 
him, she should reply, “Charlie, mama cannot go 
with you again. You must take sister’s hand and be 
satisfied with that.” Furthermore, see to it that you 
have an appointment for the hour when the boy ex¬ 
pects you to accompany him, if possible, so that you 
are prevented from even considering his request for 
your companionship on the third morning. 

Further, a knowledge of what is expected of one 
has effective value for the entire period of a child’s 
life—it works as a protective suggestion. Lodge 
suggestions as often as good sense dictates, such as 
will, in a way, vaccinate the boy against the use of 
liquor and tobacco, against truancy, etc. Discussion 
of stories may be interwoven with your interviews in 
such a way as to stimulate in a marvelous manner 
his aspirations for success, his determination to be 
an honorable man, his decision to be cautious in 
marriage. 

In a word, the family mind may be given a firm 
hold on these 1 things. Every member of the family 
may attain an expectation that every other member 
is going to do the right thing and maintain the 
family honor in the public eye. It may become a fixed 
conviction that serious neglect of the family’s code 
of morals is inconceivable. Such an atmosphere 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


31 


fortifies the mind of every member of the family and 
becomes a part of the fiber of the innermost nature 
of both parents and children. 

All of the uses of authority in the home must be 
clothed in the form of expectancy. Parents who 
know nothing else than bald, force- 
Authority ful methods, have a large task to 
accomplish in learning a better way. 
The bald expression of authority appears typically 
in such statements as the following: 

“You must do this.” 

“You must do this because I am your father and 
you are my son.” 

“My word is law.” 

It is only on the rarest conceivable occasion that 
any such expressions as those just quoted have any 
value whatsoever. Ordinarily, the direct affirmation 
of one’s authority to any one who can comprehend 
the words is accompanied by a threatening manner 
and an exasperating tone of voice. These are the 
natural modes of expressing one’s sense of authority 
in a moment of crisis. On the part of a child, such 
treatment is a direct cause of open rebellion. No 
boy or girl who can understand the parents’ declara¬ 
tion of authority is inspired by these frightful ex¬ 
hibitions to anything noble. At the best he is dis¬ 
posed to tread carefully for fear of provoking un¬ 
controlled wrath. Even in its milder forms, the exer¬ 
cise of bald authority by a parent is followed by 
damaging consequences, as in the following instance. 

John Howard, the world-famous philanthropist of 
a bygone generation, was devotedly fond of his only 


32 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


son. He governed him, however, according to the 
patriarchal style, demanding from him immediate 
and exact obedience. He made it the by-law of his 
home never to give reasons for his requirements. He 
never struck the boy a blow in his life. The severest 
punishment to which he resorted was to compel the 
boy to sit still for a given length of time in silence. 
So faithful was this son to his father’s commands 
that one of the neighbors is reported to have said 
that if the father should tell the boy to lay his hand 
in the fire, he would do it. He never thought it would 
be safe to say to his child, “My son, these pears will 
make you sick if you eat many of them or eat them 
at improper times.” He simply said, “Jack, never 
touch a pear until I give it to you.” The biographer 
proceeds to say, “The boy obeyed his father, but he 
did not confide in him, respected his father, but was 
not very fond of him, was proud of his father, but 
did not feel at home in his presence.” 

Authority unaffirmed but silently assumed, is the 
strongest use of prestige that can be conceived. It 
has become a maxim that those who have the most 
authority usually are the least disposed to display it. 

There is no need to disparage such a form of con¬ 
scious control as we recommend, for back of the 
obedience of the child is respect for parents based 
upon confidence in their judgment, belief in their 
real moral worth, consciousness of the right they 
exercise, and, for younger children, the fact of their 
physical superiority. 

A parent, well assured of his ground, will not use 
authority as such, but in the rarest circumstances. 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


33 


It shines continually through his commands, his 
plans for family action, and so serves as a useful 
background for advice and counsel. 

Parental expectation is a vital force in the life of 
every well reared child. When the relations between 
parents and children are of the better sort, oft- 
repeated injunctions and requests constitute sugges¬ 
tions that have ruled the entire after-life of many a 
dutiful son or daughter. Consequently, the high- 
minded parent conscientiously selects the injunctions 
that shall embody his expectancies. They are to be 
the pole-stars in the life of his child, they may become 
compass and chart. The mother who writes to her 
beloved son away at, school, need not resort to offen¬ 
sive commands, but may embody her wishes in such 
paragraphs as the following: 

“Remember, too, if you should be led into a dis¬ 
cussion of these subjects with other boys you would 
be making light unwittingly of the most intimate 
events in your mother’s life, events associated with 
her greatest happiness and her greatest pain. There¬ 
fore, I feel sure you will not do it. Nice boys keep 
off such matters for the same reason that nice people 
do.” 1 

ff. APPROVAL 

After suggestion embodying perhaps a substitu¬ 
tion of a good program for an unwise course of 
action; after parental initiative in cooperation per- 

1 Countess Barcynska, “The Little Mother who Sits at Home,” 
page 72 . Dutton. 


34 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


vaded by a compelling expectation—just what is 
needed further to complete the whole system of 
management? Just this one more principle—ap¬ 
proval, a declaration that you are satisfied with 
some act or word, or with the child’s conduct as a 
whole. 

We hasten to affirm that approval does not have a 
place merely at the end of a chapter in the story of 
your management of your son or daughter. The 
disposition to approve; the sense of satisfaction with 
the child; the readiness to praise him for his suc¬ 
cesses, must be made known at every stage of one’s 
course in governing the child. There rrmst be an 
anticipation in the child*s mind that at any moment 
the fitting word of commendation may be spoken. 

Approval consists of an expression of pleasure in 
what a child is or does. An infant 

wiiy Approval w h Q canno t possibly interpret in 
words the kindly looks and reassur¬ 
ing statements of a mother yet senses the feelings 
that induce a parent’s frown or approving smile. 
The unthinking child and all maturer persons who 
act on impulse rather than from conscious purpose 
respond to approval because they have pleasant 
sensations when seeing or hearing a person kindly 
disposed toward them. In some mysterious way a 
congenial mood is developed and the cause of it 
correctly attributed to him who exhibits a kindly 
feeling toward the child. 

Approval helps in the management of children be¬ 
cause it is a clear indication to the child of how 
much he is worth. Every person weighs himself or 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


35 


is instantly prepared to do* so when any opportunity 
for comparison is offered. The weights he places in 
the opposite scale-pan are the opinions of his asso¬ 
ciates. Self cannot exist without self-appreciation. 
Self-estimates are based on social standards. Hence 
every one who has the ability to reflect on his worth 
watches with greatest concern the index of popular 
opinion regarding his deeds and disposition. 

This self-interest is inevitable. He who ignores it 
invites defeat to ruin the relations between himself 
and child. Parents, like their children, also live 
under the law of self-interest; why should they be 
unwilling to profit from its application in the govern¬ 
ment of their children? Approval operates in pre¬ 
cisely the same fashion as does initiative in coopera¬ 
tion. The child gets something by association with 
his parents. A want is supplied, a demand is met, 
a longing is filled. Men bait traps with delicacies 
that animal tastes cannot resist. Men and women 
using a law of nature, with benevolent motives, cap¬ 
ture a child’s heart and lead him whither they will. 

Approval is not merely doing justly by one’s chil¬ 
dren, or protecting them from suicidal despair; it is 
a means of drawing out further responses—obedience, 
and, in emergencies, encouraging the confiding of 
secrets, urging an appeal in crises, promoting 
cooperation in family projects and the like. 

In summarizing, the five principles of discipline 
can well be embodied in one illustration. 

Three boys were throwing apples through a barn 
window where one off two panes had been broken out. 


36 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


The father of one of the boys saw them and 
realized that they should stop it at once. Just as 
the father approached, one of the boys threw an 
apple which went right through the center of the 
opening. 

Now, how should the father deal with such a situa¬ 
tion? Here is the way in which one wise father dealt 
with it: 

He smiled and said, “Good shot, Bob! Do you see 
that post over there? Take three shots. See if you 
can hit it two out of three times. You take three 
shots too, Harry—and you also, Jim.” 

The boys did just what the father requested with 
a royal good will, and they had the very best of 
feelings toward him. 

In the first place, this father made use of the prin¬ 
ciple of approval when he said, “Good shot, Bob.” 

principles This P ut a11 three *>°ys in a good 
involved in • humor and made them kindly dis- 

Above Method p 0se( j toward the father. They 

would then be inclined to do Whatever the father 
asked, even if it required some effort. 

In the second place, he used the principle of sub¬ 
stitution when he set up a new target in place of 
the one they had chosen. He did not prohibit the 
activity. 

In the third place, he used the principle of sugges¬ 
tion when he directed their attention to this new 
target. He used the principle in the right way be¬ 
cause he suggested only the positive thing which he 
wanted to occupy their minds. It would have been 
unwise to say, “I’d rather you’d not throw at the 


FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES 


37 


window opening—can’t you sling at something else?” 
The latter remark Would suggest that the open win¬ 
dow was the best target and the boys would have 
been dissatisfied at having to stop throwing at it. 

In the fourth place, he used the principle of ex¬ 
pectancy when he gave the definite commands, “Take 
three shots, etc.” He would have violated the prin¬ 
ciple had he said: “I wish you’d quit that, boys. 
Don’t you see you’ll hit that other window pane the 
first thing you know? Now stop it right away.” 
The first statement is weak; it suggests that there is 
an element of doubt in the father’s mind as to whether 
the boys will quit. The question about the danger of 
breaking the window pane suggests that the boy is 
not as good at shooting as he himself thinks he is 
and the reason therefore does not appeal to him. In 
general, it is poor policy to give a reason for obey¬ 
ing just after a command has been given and before 
it is carried out because it suggests that the child 
may do whatever he pleases. 

In the fifth place, he used the principle of coopera¬ 
tion when he approved one of the boys for his good 
shot instead of scolding all three and antagonizing 
them by telling them in a commanding way to quit. 

This father also indulged the boys in doing just 
what they wanted to do and all three of the boys 
considered that the father had added to their sport. 




I 









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PART II 


PRACTICAL LESSONS ON 
OBEDIENCE 


Discipline a child when he is good, not when he is naughty. 








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\ 










V 



OBEDIENCE 


Not only are the lessons on obedience for children 
of different ages very closely related to each other, 
but obedience itself is very closely connected with all 
the other topics of this course. This is as it should 
be, because parents who attempt to train their chil¬ 
dren in only one or two traits, letting the others take 
care of themselves, not only fail in regard to those 
characteristics which they neglect, but are likely to 
fall short on the very matters they are most anxious 
about. Success in the cultivation of one trait de¬ 
pends upon the development of others. 

In order, therefore, that you may understand and 
profit from every word of the definite lessons to 
follow let us make two suggestions. 

First, we recommend that as you read over the 
lessons for the first time, you mark with a pencil all 
those points Which you expect to 
Mar ^» I (St» rtant soon. For example, in read¬ 

ing over the lessons on obedience for 
a child from three to six years of age, you might 
gain an idea which would be helpful in dealing with 
a child from six to ten years of age. Whenever a 
principle is explained in detail under one age, it will 
not be treated, at length, in the age immediately 
following. There will be no more repetition of in¬ 
structions than is absolutely necessary. Of course, 
41 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


if you want to remove some disagreeable trait or 
cultivate some good trait in a child of any particular 
age, say seven years, you should turn to the lessons 
for children of that age. But if you desire the most 
adequate preparation for teaching, let us say obedi¬ 
ence, in the case of a child of whatever age, our 
recommendation would be to read over the lessons 
for other ages also. By reading over all the lessons 
in the Course you will imbibe the spirit of our method. 
This cannot be emphasized too much. You need not 
use all of the exact words used here in giving any of 
the lessons, if you present precisely the same idea to 
the child as these words suggest. To be sure, certain 
words which we advise using in the lessons have been 
found by experiment to convey the idea better than 
others; but even the recommended words could be 
spoken in such a Way that they would not have the 
intended effect. By reading only the lessons on 
obedience, together with the explanation which fol¬ 
lows in each case, you will have their general drift 
very well in mind, but the more you comprehend 
their spirit the better you will succeed in teaching 
your child. 

Second, as to the relative importance of obedience, 
there is danger of overemphasizing as well as under- 
Reiative estimating its significance. Either is 

importance of equally bad. A parent who tries to 
Obedience accomplish everything through his 
ability to secure obedience, sooner or later wakes up 
to the fact that his child is almost lacking in other 
desirable traits; and he may even fail in respect to 
obedience, if he does not deal with it wisely. On the 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


43 


other hand,, a great many parents will allow their 
children to disobey time and again and scarcely note 
the fact. An extreme case was reported to us, some 
time ago, of a father who had the electric lights re¬ 
moved from his house, and returned to the use of 
coal-oil lamps, because the children could not be 
taught to keep their hands off of the electric light 
buttons. 

Now, of course, we all say that the above case is 
absurd. But, from our viewpoint, it is just as absurd 
for any parent to endure persistent disobedience even 
of the mildest sort. 

Obedience is very important; not only because it is 
a virtue in itself, but because of what it involves. 
There is much to do in child training besides teach¬ 
ing obedience; however, if you do not secure obedi¬ 
ence, you cannot expect to have great success in 
cultivating other virtues. Obedience is your corner¬ 
stone. Therefore, lay it carefully. 

FROM BIRTH TO SIX MONTHS 

I taught him to obey. 

—Mother of George Washington. 

Obedience, in its first and simplest form, is merely 
submitting to regulation. The mind is too plastic in 
earliest infancy for a definite lesson to have any last¬ 
ing effect. Each thing you do must fit into a chain 
of regulations in the physical care of the infant. 

When you are doing the best thing for the body 
you are also aiding the best normal development of 
the mind. For example, when you insist upon regu- 


44 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


larity and conformity to rules governing physical 
health, you are at the same time building up an 
effective check against your child’s tendency to im¬ 
pulsiveness. If a young child is allowed to cry and 
so gain what he wants, any time and anywhere, he 
will develop impulsiveness; he will tend to be capri¬ 
cious, and later, disobedient. 

The habit of yielding to regular rules may be 
started even in the first few days of life. Regularity 
should be taught, as a principle, for the guidance of 
the child throughout life. 

Let us make a clear distinction here, between rules 
or regulations and principles. Many parents today 
Distinction are bringing up their infants scien- 
Between Rules tifically, as they say, in matters of 
and Principles j iea p ; j 1# They will not allow anyone, 

other than themselves to handle their child, because 
a rule in some popular book on health forbids it. 
Instead of permitting their friends and relatives to 
behold with disgust their ignorance or selfishness, in 
carrying out such a rule, how much better it would 
be if they would merely see to it that their child is 
treated according to sound principles. For example, 
we are all aware that tickling a child, while holding 
him, is not a good thing. Now it makes no difference 
who does it—it is every whit as injurious for a 
parent to tickle the child as for anyone else. 

The only question then for a wise parent to be 
concerned about is, ‘‘How is my child being treated?” 
If your child is not being injured in any way, by 
your relative or guest, be content. If he is not being 
managed as you desire, it is perfectly in place to 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


45 


correct the mistake. Any person, with even a fair 
amount of sense, will be quick to act upon any reason¬ 
able suggestion you make, and you will not be con¬ 
sidered overparticular if your request is based upon 
some sound principle of child-rearing. A wise mother, 
of course, will not intimate that her guest has already 
done anything out of place, but will simply tell, inci¬ 
dentally, how she treats the child herself, and the 
guest will act upon her suggestion. In case a visitor 
cannot take a hint, it is advisable to go to the guest 
and say in a pleasant tone, “Now, I will hold the 
baby a while.” 

Inasmuch as we are concerned, principally, with 
health and regular habits during the first six months, 
the mother’s duty is to learn what is 

TheMottxer'B g 00( j f or the child and then maintain 
unbroken regularity. It is proper to 
say that we commence definite lessons in the cradle, 
in the sense that each time the child is fed and taken 
care of at a proper time he is being given training in 
regularity. Regularity in correct feeding and in 
sleep, exceptions being faithfully excluded, teaches 
the infant what to expect and trains him not to 
demand unnecessary and harmful variations. 

FROM SIX MONTHS TO ONE YEAR 

True obedience neither procrastinates nor questions. 

—Francis Quarles. 

During this period you can begin to give system¬ 
atic lessons in obedience. As early as the seventh or 
eighth month the child begins to make violent efforts 


46 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


to reach for objects. As soon as he begins to do this 
it is time for the first lesson. This time is not a 
question of the exact number of months in the age of 
the child, but rather a question of whether or not the 
infant has begun to reach for, and grasp, objects. 
A child may do this even as early as the sixth month 
and in that case he may then be given the first lesson. 

There is absolutely no generality about the next 
few lessons. They are precise. They tell you in 
detail exactly what to do in order to teach obedience. 

It will take you longer to read any one lesson than 
it does to teach it. The details are important. They 
have been studied and tested; so, if you will take the 
little time that is necessary to get them well into your 
mind before you attempt to follow the instructions, 
the lesson itself will readily be applied and will not 
fail to bring good results. 

Lesson 1 

AIM 

To teach an infant from six months to one year 
old to obey the command, “Don’t touch,” so that 
objects which he may desire need not be put out of 
his reach. 

PREPARATION 

Set a straight chair up to a table. Within reach 
of this chair, place a silver spoon on the table about 
six inches from its edge and have no other object on 
the table within three feet of the spoon. Allow no 
one else in the room while giving this first lesson. 












The command, “Don't touch,” first, followed by immediate action, 
if necessary, to enforce it. 

The principles of Suggestion and Expectancy are involved. 

Illustration A 










LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


47 


DEFINITE INSTRUCTIONS 

Carry the child into the room. Sit down on the 
chair which you have arranged, holding the child on 
your left knee. Have him sitting so that he directly 
faces the spoon, and assume the correct position 
before the child has a chance to reach our for the 
spoon. That position is this: hold your left elbow 
against your left side, your left arm from elbow to 
wrist supporting the child’s back and your left hand 
serving as a sort of hook, to catch the child’s left 
arm above the elbow joint. Hold your right elbow 
against your right side and use your right hanVi as 
a sort of hook for controlling the child’s right arm. 
[See Illustration A.] 

Have each of your hands barely touching the 
sleeves of your child’s dress—not restraining his 
arms in the least. Actually to hold the arms would 
bring failure; the child would resent it and would 
not only struggle to get loose all the time you are 
holding him but the moment you released him he 
would try to seize the object. 

Therefore, work with this fact in mind: there is no 
such thing as continuous impulse. A child has a 
number of separate impulses to reach for an object. 
So the thing for you to do is to deal with each of 
these separate impulses. 

After you have the child in the right position and 
he starts to reach for the spoon, say, “No, don’t 
touch,” and at the same time quickly push the offend¬ 
ing arm back to its place with your fingers. You 
need not grasp his arm at all, just push it back 


48 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


quickly with the palm of your hand or fingers and 
then quickly take your hand away. That is, do not 
let your hand remain against his arm, but have it a 
little in front of the arm ready for the next impulse. 

When the child’s arm presses against your hand 
again in his attempt to reach for the spoon, push it 
back again quickly, saying, “No, don’t touch,” and 
quickly loosen the pressure. Repeat this process 
until the child looks up to you and seems to ask you 
for the spoon with his eyes, or until he seems to make 
no effort to reach for it, then reach out with your 
right hand, grasp the spoon, put it into the child’s 
hands and say, “Do you want to play with it now?” 
[See Illustration B.] 

When you give the spoon to the child, be sure to 
do so at the right time. The wrong time would be 
when the child is making an attempt to touch it; the 
correct time to give it is when the child’s arms are 
relaxed and he is making no effort to touch it. Just 
after the child first faces the object, you should 
notice carefully the first signs of obedience. That is, 
when the child remains quiet even for four or five 
seconds without reaching for the object, do not try 
his patience too far but reach out and get it for him. 

To give the spoon to the child is, in a certain 
sense, a reward. This means that if the spoon is 
given at the wrong time, the child will seem to be 
rewarded for grasping or disobeying, while if it is 
given at the right time, the child will seem to be 
rewarded for obeying. 

In the exceptional case that a child does not reach 
for the spoon even in the first place, simply wait a 



Frequently reward the child for desired responses in the lesson. 
The principles of Suggestion, Approval and Co-operation are 
involved. 


Illustration B 













LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


49 


few seconds and then give it to the child, saying, 
“Do you want to play with the spoon?” 

In either case, after giving him the spoon, smile 
and help the child to enjoy himself with it for a 
minute or so, then take the spoon from the child in 
a way that will not make him cry (perhaps by at¬ 
tracting his attention to some other object in the 
room, place it back on the table and hold the child 
in the correct position as before, saying, “Don’t 
touch it.” Have your right hand in your lap this 
time instead of on the child’s right arm, but be ready 
quickly to push back the child’s arm in case he should 
try to get the spoon. Whether the child reaches for 
it or not this time, as soon as he makes no effort, 
then give the spoon to him as before. 

To end the lesson, after letting the child play with 
the spoon for a moment, gently take it away and put 
it back on the table. Immediately stand up with the 
child and carry him over to another place where you 
have something else for him to play with, such as a 
soft ball. This lesson need not and should not last 
over five minutes. 

COMMENTS 

There is only one way to teach obedience correctly. 
Any hind of obedience worthy of the name must be 
based upon confidence . By leading 
Confidence the child to keep his hand off and 
then giving him a spoon or other ob¬ 
ject, after a while you teach him to have confidence 
in you. This little act of indulgence, namely, the 
act of giving the spoon to the child, is a great service 


50 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


in teaching obedience. It convinces even a small 
child that you are not working against his interest, 
that you are not his antagonist, who can say nothing 
but “Don’t” to everything he attempts. On the other 
hand, he realizes that you are his friend and he has 
confidence in you, so that when you put the spoon 
out on the table again, and say, “Don’t touch it,” 
he will very likely obey you. 

The lesson, described above, proposed to deal with 
each separate impulse. It is very important that 
this be done quickly each time. 
When the child starts to reach for 
the spoon, do not let his arm move 
more than an inch or two if you can help it, but 
quickly push it back and then quickly take your 
hand away for a moment. The child must not get 
the least suggestion that you are holding him and he 
will not, providing you make quick movements and 
then always take your hand away quickly after each 
impulse. 

If the child does not obey the command, “Don’t 
touch,” after you have once given him the object, it 
is because he had not learned its meaning. He must 
not only be taught what the words mean, but be 
drilled into the habit of obeying them. So do not 
become discouraged if you have to push the cliild’s 
arm back several times. If you were to give up 
before the child does, you would be teaching your 
child disobedience instead of obedience. 

A child given only the first lesson cannot be ex¬ 
pected to do more than merely get the idea of the 
lesson. One could not expect that he would obey all 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


51 


negative commands in the future, without drill of 
the right sort. He must be taught at different times 
with different objects. 

In order that the details of these instructions may 
not by any chance escape your attention, a few in¬ 
stances in which they are illustrated are given, to¬ 
gether with comments on important features. 

EXAMPLE 1 

Mrs. Bartlett had been reared in a family where 
commands to children were given in a highly pitched, 
fault-finding tone of voice. The more 
T 11 < way° nS ' urgent the command, the greater was 
the volume of voice, and the severer 
the threats. Accordingly she used the same tones to 
her own children, without considering their effect. 
Her two older children were girls, but her ten-months- 
old baby boy was her special pride. She intended to 
“bring him up to mind.” 

He sat in his high chair at meal-time and grabbed 
first one thing, then another. Her loud protests had 
absolutely no meaning for him. He began at the age 
of eleven months to enjoy calling attention to himself 
by grabbing at mother’s plate, even at times taking 
from it a handful of food. 

Whenever this occurred his mother stormed at 
him; his sisters laughed, while the baby himself looked 
at the girls and gurgled, as much as to say, “Isn’t 
it funny?” 

One day just after the meal began, Mrs. Bartlett 
was helping her daughter’s plate when the baby gave 
a lurch forward and thrust his hand into a cup of 


52 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


boiling hot coffee. Mrs. Bartlett noted the tighten¬ 
ing of his muscles preparatory to this lunge and gave 
the customary cry, but it did not deter him for an 
instant. 

COMMENTS 

Now what was the error in Mrs. Bartlett’s train¬ 
ing? Keep clearly in mind, first of all, that the child 
needs to have the signal associated with one aspect 
only of his action, namely, with the impulse in the 
muscles that move the arm, but Mrs. Bartlett had no 
system in the use of vocal restraint. Her scream 
had never meant anything to her hoy . Had he been 
taught the action suited to the command, “Don’t 
touch,” she would have had ample time before the 
plunge to have saved him from the burn which went 
deep into the tender little flesh. 

In order that words may have meaning, they must 
be used in repeated connection with the things they 
represent. The mother’s words of restraint were not 
connected with any particular experience in the 
child’s life. Her shriek had been a relief to her feel¬ 
ings of dissatisfaction and her fear for the child’s 
welfare rather than a signal to the child. One might 
suppose that the experience at the table with the hot 
coffee was a valuable lesson to the child. However, 
the putting of the little hand into the coffee cannot 
have had much educative value. The coffee is not 
always present, so that there are not sufficient repeti¬ 
tions of the experience to teach any lesson. The 
pain is too severe for the purposes of learning in so 
young a child. The pain itself absorbs attention to 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


53 


the exclusion of any thought of a lesson to be learned 
from it. If Mrs. Bartlett’s child learned any lesson 
at all from the coffee experience, it probably was 
“Coffee caused pain. 5 ’ He might indeed inhibit the 
impulse to stick his fingers in the black coffee the 
next time occasion presented itself, but unless a 
definite lesson has been given the chances are that no 
direct association has been formed with the specific 
words, “Don’t touch.” Moreover, in ordinary ex¬ 
periences, injury is not so painful as in this instance, 
so that, being guided merely by pain, the child would 
remain unable to distinguish between what things to 
touch and what to let alone, until after he had tested 
out a great variety of objects and suffered very 
much unnecessarily. 

EXAMPLE 2 

Mrs. Hyde and Mrs. Golden lived side by side in 

an eastern village. Mrs. Hyde had taught school 

before she was married and had 

Another learned the magic effect of a low, 
Blunder ° . „ 

firm, expectant, yet cheerful tone ol 

voice. Her only child, Roy, was a large, strong, 

bright boy, ten months old. She could hardly wait 

for him to grow old enough for her to begin to teach 

him to obey various commands. 

Mrs. Golden was an intense, fussy, little mother of 
a tiny, bright, nervous baby girl eleven months old, 
named Lucile. Before her marriage she had been a 
brilliant reader of thrilling, dramatic selections. 

These two mothers often compared the mental de- 


54 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


velopments of their babies, each believing secretly, of 
course, that her own baby was the brighter. 

One day Mrs. Hyde told Mrs. Golden that Roy 
understood and obeyed the command, “Don’t touch.” 
“Oh, let me see how it works,” said enthusiastic Mrs. 
Golden. 

Mrs. Hyde produced a large, red woolen ball of 
which Roy was very fond and held it near him. As 
he reached out his little hand toward it, Mrs. Hyde 
said, “Don’t touch.” Instantly, the little arm 
dropped to the baby’s side. “Oh, how cunning, how 
wonderful,” said Mrs. Golden. “Do tell me how you 
taught him that.” 

Mrs. Hyde carefully explained her method, which 
was essentially the one outlined here, and little Mrs. 
Golden went home planning to teach Lucile the same 
thing and so surprise Mr. Golden when he reached 
home that evening. 

An hour later, a very flushed and crestfallen little 
mother ran over to see Mrs. Hyde and said, “I can’t 
think what’s the matter. Every time I try to teach 
Lucile, ‘Don’t touch,’ she simply screams. I tried 
to teach her half a dozen times, but she invariably 
screamed. Can you come and tell me what’s the 
matter?” 

Mrs. Hyde said, “Tomorrow morning ’phone me 
when Lucile gets up from her nap and I’ll come over 
and watch you.” 

On arriving the next morning, Mrs. Hyde found 
Mrs. Golden quite wrought up over the coming les¬ 
son, and assured her that she must calm herself or 
Lucile would be so excited that the instruction would 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


55 


have no effect. She also recommended that a differ¬ 
ent object and a different place from those used in 
the lesson of yesterday be selected so that the baby 
would not have the unpleasant memory of the day 
before to diminish the chances of success today. 

Having everything ready, Mrs. Golden placed the 
object (a plate) before Lucile and as the baby 
reached out a little hand for it the mother called out 
in a frightened, terrorizing tone, “Ooo-oo, don’t 
touch!” The baby instantly screamed with fright. 

Mrs. Hyde explained to Mrs. Golden that her 
voice and attitude had frightened Lucile. She rec¬ 
ommended that after a week had elapsed Mrs. Golden 
try again and in the meantime witness her while she 
gave a lesson to Roy. 

Mrs. Golden seemed to catch the idea that a calm 
attitude and a moderate voice are real factors of 
great importance in this work. 

COMMENTS 

Mrs. Golden erred by using a voice that was too 
loud for teaching purposes—could it be that she in¬ 
tended to frighten the child into learning the lesson? 
The effect was much the same as that in which baby 
Bartlett thrust his hand into the coffee. The shock 
to the nervous system nullified all the effects of the 
lesson. Even though the voice be somewhat modu¬ 
lated, a child instantly reacts unfavorably to a 
mother who is in a state of nervous excitement. It 
was necessary for Mrs. Golden to delay further les¬ 
sons for a period sufficient that Lucile might forget 
the experience of the day. If Mrs. Golden profited 


56 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


at all from the interview, she taught herself to speak 
with a much more restrained voice than had been her 
custom. 

EXAMPLE 3 

Let us now review an incident in which is disclosed 
a wrong use of the restraining hand. Mrs. Billings 
lived in a middle western village where it was cus¬ 
tomary to take babies to church, so she was a regular 
attendant with her baby girl, Catherine, aged eight 
months. 

Now, Catherine enjoyed the singing the best of 
anything that happened during the hour of worship. 
In her baby thought the open book was what caused 
these delightful sounds, for whenever it appeared in 
her mother’s hands, the entertaining tones imme¬ 
diately commenced. Instinct told Catherine to ob¬ 
tain for herself this highly desirable sound producer, 
namely, the singing-book. 

Mrs. Billings had tried to teach the baby to heed 
the command, “Don’t touch,” but had failed in her 
efforts because she always gave the order after the 
object was entirely or nearly in the baby’s possession 
and made no attempt to cause the little one to inhibit 
the first impulse to touch. 

Catherine seemed to wait until her mother had for 
a moment caught the thread of the poetic thought; 
then with both hands she would take a death grip on 
the precious hymn-book, accompanying her action 
with a mild squeal of delight. It now became a ques¬ 
tion of the strength of Mrs. Billings as opposed to 
that of the child; baby’s aggravation grew until it 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


57 


often reached a climax in an unearthly scream as the 
mother overpowered the little muscles. 

Thus every Sunday morning baby Billings and 
mother Billings fought a never-ending battle for the 
singing-book during each song. Mrs. Billings liked 
to sing and by keeping up the fight, she was able to 
see most of the words of the hymn. She did not even 
suspect the irony which the situation revealed to a 
sixteen-year-old girl who sat nearby when she fought 
simultaneously with the singing of “Peace, peace, 
sweet peace”; or, again, the humor of it when 
she sang, “Sure I must fight if I would reign.” The 
danger to the singing-books and the distraction to 
surrounding worshipers were both minor considera¬ 
tions when compared with the disastrous effect upon 
Catherine’s little developing mind. She was being 
taught that force was the only really deterring influ¬ 
ence on her impulse to grab anything that seemed 
attractive. 

COMMENTS 

How should the mother act under such circum¬ 
stances? She must attempt control either by mus¬ 
cular force or by the voice. That is, she may apply 
her energies directly to the body of the child or she 
may attempt to use his mind, and so develop self- 
control. In cases like the above, the voice, not the 
hands, should be used as an instrument for teaching 
the child what he may not touch. 

In the case of Mrs. Billings, the delayed command 
compelled baby Catherine to learn backwards, so to 
speak, if she learned at all, what her mother was try- 


58 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


ing to teach her. With the singing-book in her hand, 
she had so far accomplished her purpose and ac¬ 
cepted the urgent restraints of her mother as apply¬ 
ing to her present or future action and not to the 
past. The baby learned very little of what was in 
the mother’s mind. 

We never can insist too strongly that children, in 
their earliest efforts at learning, cannot connect the 
instructions which parents give them with their own 
act, unless by parental oversight the instructions and 
the act occur closely together. In this case we are 
attempting to have the child make himself behave cor¬ 
rectly. Therefore, good sense and kindness of heart 
both require that we help the child make the attempt 
to control himself at the point where the effort at self- 
restraint will be the most likely to succeed, namely, 
when the impulse to move first arises. To be sure, no 
observer can accurately locate this point, but until 
the muscles are fully in action, the momentum of the 
impulse has not attained its maximum. Before that 
time, self-control is easier than after the act is well 
under way. 

It is important to distinguish between quick move¬ 
ments and roughness. This point is emphasized in 
the following case. 

EXAMPLE 4 

Mrs. Faith Abbott, of Kansas, was following the 
instructions given by a specialist on “Training Chil¬ 
dren to Obey.” She made preparation to give a les¬ 
son to her eight-months-old baby, Amelia, just as 
directed, but all to no purpose. The child cried at 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


59 


every lesson. Mrs. Abbott sought her sister, who was 
a kindergarten teacher, and said, “Ella, I want you 
to come over Saturday and help me give Amelia a 
lesson in obedience. She cries every time I attempt it.” 

On Saturday the sister read the lesson over care¬ 
fully, helped in its simple preparation, and observed 
closely while Mrs. Abbott took Amelia on her lap for 
instructions. 

“There, Faith, I see what’s the matter,” said Ella. 

“What is it?” said Mrs. Abbott wonderingly. 

“Why, you jerked the poor little thing’s arm in¬ 
stead of putting it back gently.” 

“But the book says ‘quickly,’ ” argued Mrs. 
Abbott. 

“Quickly doesn’t mean roughly. You’d never make 
a real kindergartner until you understood that differ¬ 
ence. Let me show you—” 

Ella jerked her sister’s arm, then, gently, but 
quickly, pulled it back. 

“See the difference?” she said. 

“I felt a difference,” corrected Mrs. Abbott. 

Her method of restraint being remedied, Mrs. Ab¬ 
bott had no more trouble in teaching Amelia. 

COMMENTS 

The above illustration shows that it does not pay 
to push the child’s arm back roughly because that 
“stirs up the blood” and puts him into a hostile mood. 
The idea in bringing back the child’s arm quickly is 
not exactly to punish the child for disobeying, but 
rather to discourage future attempts to touch a de¬ 
sired object after being told not to do so. 


60 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


EXAMPLE 5 

Mrs. Mitchell was riding in a day coach of an 
express train on the Pennsylvania line. Across the 

Slapping* the a ^ s ^ e ^ rom her and one seat nearer the 

Hands Spoils front of the car was a woman holding 
the Lesson ^aby that seemed to be about ten 
months old. The train was crowded and the air in it 
was foul. It was evidently the baby’s nap time and 
he wanted his accustomed room and surroundings. 
The noise of the train, the close proximity of the 
other passengers, all strangers to the baby, made him 
ill at ease. 

Added to these unusual, annoying details, his own 
mother was changed. She wore a hat and an unac¬ 
customed dress and, worst of all, she sat quietly and 
held him. He was tired of being held—why didn’t 
she let him down on the floor or get up and move 
about with him, he wondered. Of course he didn’t 
even think in words. He simply sensed an unusual 
set of trying circumstances as a dumb animal would. 

His mother wore a pendant on a fragile-looking 
chain. Baby had wanted that pretty ornament earlier 
in the day, but then he was not tired of his new sur¬ 
roundings and was easily led to look at something 
else. At two o’clock in the afternoon, he decided to 
have that lavalliere. He reached for it. His mother, 
tired and vexed herself, slapped his hand. He reached 
again; she slapped him again, while her face showed 
irritation and determination. The child howled, but 
set his jaw literally to get that plaything. The pas¬ 
sengers were given the painful exhibition of an angry 
mother pitting her strength against that of her 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


61 


angry baby. He finally cried himself to sleep, but 
his last wakeful (most impressionable) look at her 
showed him a mother’s face made ugly by unbridled 
passion. 

COMMENTS 

Let us analyze the situations presented in the above 
narrative. Children want to handle what they see. 
That is a perfectly proper longing in every child. 
However, the mother always insists on selecting ob¬ 
jects to be handled. Sometimes she yields to the 
childish desire; again she withholds or seeks to take 
the thing away from baby hands. There need be no 
attempt to explain to the baby why some articles are 
granted and others are not. Unreasoned obedience is 
required at this age. 

In the case of the second method of restraining a 
child, that is, of resorting to some violent physical 
control over his body, the mother may either inflict 
some bodily pain in an effort to compel conduct ac¬ 
cording to rule, or she may merely separate the little 
hand from the object by taking the one from the 
other. 

In order to secure obedience in the most desirable 
way, you must know what the consequences are in 
the use of both of these methods. Take the case of 
slapping the hand or spanking the child in an effort 
to teach the lesson of, “Don’t touch.” This method is 
not excusable, since it is employed after the act has 
been committed. Here, again, we must refer to the 
fact that the young child has great difficulty in con¬ 
necting a punishment of restraint with some pro- 


62 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


cedure of his own. Until the mind has developed fur¬ 
ther, such experiences are accepted without interpre¬ 
tation, and sensed only in their immediate features. 
The child can no more interpret this punishment than 
he could a lecture on the subject of “Patriotism.” 
The reason parents seem to succeed in employing 
punishment in this way is that the child lives through 
this gross method, and finally gets the cue from cer¬ 
tain explanations that are given from time to time. 
In the case of separating the child’s hand from the 
object, the child merely discerns that he has lost the 
object attained. The effect is the same as giving the 
word of command after the child has laid his hand 
upon the forbidden object. 

Never allow your child to practice anything which 
you would not be willing for him to continue. For 
instance, if you want to teach your child to keep cer¬ 
tain things out of his mouth, you should allow him 
to play with those things only while he is on your lap 
at first and prevent each impulse from gaining its 
end. Help him to enjoy the object while in his hands 
and the child will, before long, keep the object away 
from his mouth even when you are not near. 

In carrying out this idea of allowing no break in 
starting the habit of obedience it is necessary to have 
some sort of check on the child. This idea is made 
clear by the following example and comments. 

EXAMPLE 6 

Little nine-months-old Edgar Bane’s mother was 
anxious to give her baby every advantage possible, so 
she enrolled in a Mother’s Club and began to give its 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


63 


set lessons on obedience to Edgar. 

His four-year-old sister, Edith, was so delighted 
with her new lessons as well as those of Edgar that 
she begged to have them given over and over. 

“Et me dive buver his ’esson, muvver,” she said 
one day. “I tan do it.” 

“No, no, I myself can scarcely hold him, he jumps 
so.” 

“Put *m in ’is high chair, muvver, put ’m in ’is 
high chair,” begged Edith. 

“That is a good idea,” said Mrs. Bane. 

So Edgar was placed in his high chair and the 
instruction proceeded. She found, however, that the 
plan did not work. Whenever Edgar extended his 
hand to seize an object, he succeeded in getting hold 
of it before his mother could check him, with the re¬ 
sult that his undesirable impulse was rewarded. When, 
his mother said, “Don’t touch,” and he did it in spite 
of her command, Edgar was given a lesson in disobe¬ 
dience rather than a lesson in obedience. 

COMMENTS 

In giving any lesson, you must have some kind of a 
“check” on disobedience. By “check” is meant some 
way of preventing disobedience. In dealing with a 
child as young as that which we are now considering, 
your check must be purely physical. That is, the child 
must be held in such a position that he is easily com¬ 
pelled to heed the command, “Don’t touch.” 

Many sad failures have resulted with children of 
different ages because their parents in trying to teach 
obedience, did not first have some substantial check. 


64 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


This check must immediately follow the impulse to 
disobey in order to be effective and prevent similar 
action in the future. In a very young child, even if 
there is a delay of only a few seconds after an unde¬ 
sirable impulse arises before you can treat it, it may 
neutralize the inhibiting effect, which would be pro¬ 
duced in the child’s brain, if the impulse and its treat¬ 
ment were directly associated. 

For example, if you were to give a command to a 
child of this age when he is out of reach, you would 
have no direct check on disobedience; therefore, do 
not give any commands at first when you are too far 
away from your child. It is not always an easy mat¬ 
ter to get the attention of so young a child at a 
distance, and even after having his attention, the 
chances are he would disobey your commands unless 
you have already given him a definite lesson, such as 
Lesson 4. You should not attempt to give Lesson 4 
before Lesson 3 or before Lesson 2. Give each one 
at its proper time. 

Obedience is a habit and the important point about 
forming any habit is to allow no exceptions to occur; 
at least, until after the habit is formed. Hence, to 
give the child an opportunity to disobey by giving 
him a command when separated from him, would be 
to disregard the law of the habit which you are trying 
to establish. 

The following example is an exaggerated case of 
the point under discussion. 

EXAMPLE 7 

Mrs. Hawley, of New York, was the mother of two 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


65 


beautiful, finely developed children; Clark, aged five 
years, and baby Beatrice, aged eleven months. 

Clark already showed a marked tendency to dis¬ 
obey. Both Mr. and Mrs. Hawley realized that un¬ 
less they could train him into ready obedience they 
would be seriously handicapped in all their efforts to 
bring him up properly. They, therefore, eagerly se¬ 
cured lessons in child training and began to give both 
children lessons on obedience. 

One day Mrs. Hawley took Beatrice on her lap 
to give her a lesson, when in came Clark after his 
ball. 

A raised hand and a “sh-h-h-h” were readily under¬ 
stood by him, but not heeded in the least. 

“I want my ball, mother. Where’s my ball?” 

Mrs. Hawley fretfully put the baby down and 
searched for the ball. 

“Now go and play, Clark, and don’t come in again 
for a little while. I want to teach Beatrice her 
lesson.” 

Exactly three minutes later Clark reappeared in 
the doorway and said: 

“Mother, where’s my drum? I want to play 
soldier.” 

“O Clark! Didn’t I tell you to stay out a few 
minutes ?” 

Resignedly Mrs. Hawley set Beatrice down and 
went for the drum. It was nowhere to be found. 

“Go on and play with your ball, Clark.” 

“I want to play soldier.” 

Another search was made and fifteen minutes 
elapsed before the drum was finally found under the 


66 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


couch where Clark had hidden it from baby and 
forgotten about it. 

■“Now don’t come back for anything else,” was the 
mother’s injunction as she took up the fretting baby 
once more. 

But Beatrice was sleepy now and was too cross to 
give heed to anything. She turned her back toward 
the table and rubbed her eyes with her fists in true 
baby fashion. 

COMMENTS 

Not only had the mother failed in gaining the 
point of the lesson because of the interruption and 
subsequent sleepiness on the part of the child, but 
the little one came back to the next lesson with a de¬ 
cided prejudice against it because of being put down 
and left by her mother and also because of the dis¬ 
comforts of a delayed nap. 

Do not try to give a lesson when the child is in a 
cross or fretful mood. Be sure that he is not hungry, 
thirsty or sleepy. In other words, the child should 
be in splendid physical condition. This point is 
essential to success in giving any lesson to a child. 

Furthermore, it is necessary to connect the prin¬ 
ciple of the lesson on “Don’t touch” with the ordinary 
Applying 1 experiences of the child. The mother 
Lessons in can frequently dip into the current 

Routine 0 f a child’s life and assist in carrying 

the value of a lesson into every part of his conduct; 
that is, apply the foregoing method in restraining the 
child from touching the hot oven door or the piano 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


67 


keys or various other objects that for the moment 
may be kept from the child. 

Discrimination must be made between such objects 
as are never to be touched by the child and those 
which are forbidden for the time being. This distinc¬ 
tion must not be attempted in the early lessons on 
obedience, and in any case, mothers are not to pre¬ 
sume that a child of less than a year old can retain 
any prohibition, no matter how well learned, for an 
indefinite period. If the object is a vase, which, even 
in years to come, cannot be a child’s plaything, then 
the lesson, “Don’t touch,” would need to be 
thoroughly learned before trusting to the child’s 
obedience. 

The first four lessons on obedience require only 
about five minutes each, but do not give them too 
closely together. That is, do not give one imme¬ 
diately after the other. Let the child have his own 
way at least for some hours after each lesson, with¬ 
out trying to teach any new point. Lesson 1 might 
be given early in the forenoon and Lesson 2 in the 
afternoon of the same day, but they should not come 
closer together than this. 


Lesson 2 

AIM 

To give further drill in obeying the command, 
“Don’t touch,” so that objects do not need to be put 
out of the child’s reach. 


68 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


PREPARATION 

Same as for Lesson 1, but in addition to the small 
spoon, have also a plate and knife and fork. 

DEFINITE INSTRUCTIONS 

Repeat Lesson 1. After you say, “Don’t touch,” 
and the child is satisfied to wait until you get ready 
to give him one of the objects, give him only the 
spoon and help him to entertain himself with that. 

Do not allow him to touch the plate or knife or 
fork. In case he tries to do so, push his arm back 
quickly, saying, “No, don’t touch.” 

Do not oppose the child in anything while giving 
the lesson, except to restrain his arms after you say, 
“Don’t touch.” Any other opposition would detract 
and so hinder you in giving the lesson. For ex¬ 
ample, if the child puts the spoon into his mouth, do 
not scold him or forbid him to do so. That is not the 
point to be taught in his lesson, therefore pay no 
attention to it. Watch the spoon carefully and keep 
it from falling upon the floor while the child is 
playing with it. 

After giving the spoon to him the first time, take 
it from him gently, put it back by the side of the 
plate and say, “Don’t touch.” Repeat this process 
until the child will allow you to put it on the table 
and not make any attempt to reach for it. Then end 
your lesson by arising and carrying him to some 
place where he will immediately become interested 
in something else. 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


COMMENTS 

The idea in presenting the knife, fork and plate 
in this lesson is that the child may be taught directly 
not to be reaching for those things at the table. So 
many parents are provoked to think that their chil¬ 
dren will not behave well before “company,” but the 
fault is not that of the children at all; they need to 
be taught. 

The proper way to teach them is described in 
Lessons 1 and 2. In all of the lessons which are 
prescribed for young children, it is better for you 
to be alone with the child so that nothing will de¬ 
tract from the lesson. The lessons are all so ar¬ 
ranged, that if you do exactly as they suggest, you 
are sure to succeed. 

EXAMPLE 

Mothers sometimes fail by making lessons too in¬ 
frequent. 

Mrs. Vorse gave Walter his first set lesson in obedi¬ 
ence the day he was ten months old. She had expected 
to give him lessons daily thereafter, but the next day, 
just as she was ready to begin, a friend who called 
stayed until the time came for the baby to take his 
usual morning sleep. 

An afternoon ride had already been planned, and 
after the ride Mrs. Vorse felt too tired to give 
Walter his lesson. 

The next day a guest came who stayed five days. 
At the end of the seventh day Mrs. Vorse wrote re¬ 
garding the lessons: “I have given my baby but 
one lesson. That was a week ago.” 


70 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


At the end of two months she wrote: “I have 
been so hindered that I have given Walter only ten 
lessons during the past two months. Do you advise 
that I begin at the beginning now that I shall be 
able to take up the lessons in earnest?” 

In reply to this question the following advice was 
given: “By all means begin at the first again, and be 
assured that only regular lessons will accomplish 
anything.” 

COMMENTS 

The mother put off giving the second lesson for a 
week and lost the effect of the first lesson. She ought 
to have given at least one two-minute lesson each day 
for three or four days. 

You do not need to stop at simply presenting the 
plate, knife, fork and spoon to the child, but use 
anything whatever that you wish to teach your child 
not to touch. You can easily arrange for a five- 
minute lesson, presenting whatever objects you care 
to on the table and proceed as suggested in Lesson 
1, having your child on your lap. 


Lesson 3 

AIM 

To teach an infant to obey the command, “Don’t 
touch,” when not sitting on your lap. 

PREPARATION 

Set a chair, facing the side of a sofa. On the chair 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


n 


place a bright tin cup. See that everything is off the 
sofa before starting to give the lesson. 

DEFINITE INSTRUCTIONS 

Carry the child into the room. Set him on the sofa 
about six inches from the edge, so that his right side 
is next to you. 

Take the tin cup from the chair, thump it once or 
twice to get the child’s attention on it, sit down on 
the chair and let him handle it for about five seconds 
while you still hold it; then by taking the cup in your 
right hand and grasping the child’s hands in your 
left, gently take the cup away from the child and 
place it on the sofa about three inches in front of 
the child’s feet. 

Let go of the cup quickly, hold your hand, palm 
down, about a foot above the cup, while you say, 
“Don’t touch it.” [See Illustration A.] 

After letting your right hand down to your lap, 
repeat the command slowly once or twice, “Don’t 
touch it,” and have your left hand near enough to the 
child’s right arm so that in case he should start to 
reach for the cup, you can instantly stop him by 
pushing his arm back. 

Do not let the child touch the cup at all until you 
are ready. When he makes an attempt, be careful 
not to hurt him by pulling his arm back too roughly. 
It might cause him to cry. If, for any reason, your 
child should cry while giving the lesson, postpone it 
until he is in a good humor again. 

In case the child is determined to get the cup, make 


72 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


motions with your own hands to attract his attention 
to yourself. 

When the child has waited for five or six seconds 
without making any attempt to take the cup, reach 
over, pick it up and place it in the baby’s hands. 
Smile and say, “You may have it.” Then put his 
hands around the side of the cup. [See Illustra¬ 
tion B.] 

After tapping on the sides of the cup to make a 
noise and assisting the child in playing with it for a 
minute or so, take the cup away from the child again, 
gently, and set it out in front of his feet. As before, 
quickly bring your hand back, almost to your chest, 
palm down, and say, “Don’t touch it.” 

About one more repetition of the prohibition 
against touching the tin cup and then giving it to the 
child will be sufficient for this lesson. Be sure, how¬ 
ever, to end by offering the cup to the child while he 
is perfectly submissive. Let him play with the cup 
until you present something else that he likes. 

This lesson need not last over five minutes. 

COMMENTS 

Your child should get the idea even in this first 
lesson that when you hold out your hand with the 
palm down and say, “Don’t touch,” he is not to touch 
the object before him. 

When the instructions suggested giving two or 
three commands (“Don’t touch”) one after the other, 
it was for the purpose of making the association 
stronger between the sound of that command and 
the idea of “hands off.” 



Essential to keep child’s mind diverted from the bright object by 
movements of the hand, at least until he has been rewarded a few 
times. 

Principles involved: Suggestion and Expectancy. 

Illustration A 






























































%,♦ V* •* .* • * * *1. * ~ A' • ■* *. •> . -».» * ■ ...i •. 






LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


73 


At one place in the definite instructions you are 
advised to smile as you say, “Now you may have it.” 
This is very important. Show enthusiasm in the les¬ 
son. A cheerful mood is essential to success. 

EXAMPLE 

Mrs. Daniels of Illinois had herself been a petu¬ 
lant child. Her mother often said to her, “I hope 
you’ll never have to rear a child that is as hard to 
govern as you have been.” 

Mrs. Daniels would reply, “I intend to begin early 
to make my children mind me.” 

Accordingly, when her baby June was ten months 
old, she began to train her in obedience. 

June, like her mother, was supersensitive. Every 
tone, every expression, every attitude was quickly 
sensed by the baby and her reaction to her mother’s 
impatient frowns and stamps was very marked and 
never failing. 

Mrs. Daniels, with a frown, would say, “Don’t 
touch.” June would look up quickly, and noting by 
her mother’s face that something was wrong, she 
would put out a little trembling hand, hoping to avert 
a calamity. This extending of the hand was just 
what Mrs. Daniels was trying to control, so she 
frowned more and excitedly motioned for June to 
drop her hand. Thoroughly frightened now, June 
would cry loudly and Mrs. Daniels would say, 
“There’s no use trying. June can’t comprehend 
anything yet.” The truth was that the baby did 
comprehend in a most remarkable degree that her 


74 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


mother was impatient and irritated, and so was her¬ 
self disturbed. 

COMMENTS 

Until the idea is pretty well fixed in the baby’s 
mind as to the meaning of a command, it is better 
not to ffive one without the motion 

Bodily ° 

Attitude of the hand which went with it in the 
lesson. Your child will pay more 
attention to what you do than to what you say. In 
other words the child, at first, will notice your gen¬ 
eral attitude, the position of your arm and hand, 
more than the words, “Don’t touch it.” 

Be sure after telling a child, “Don’t touch it,” 
that you give the object back to him soon enough. 

When once obedience is well learned, 

Patal Delay you will not need to observe this 
point, but while teaching obedience, 
it is necessary to avoid delay in order to get the 
quickest and best results. Do not try your child’s 
patience too far. After he keeps his hands off for 
only a very few seconds, always reward him at this 
point because it is important and necessary to suc¬ 
cess that the child shall understand that the prohibi¬ 
tion is only upon his taking the initiative in getting 
into his possession an object which is forbidden. 

It is also important that the lesson end pleasantly. 
See that the child has something even more interest¬ 
ing than the object of which he was deprived to play 
with so that no antagonism or unpleasantness will 
be associated with the lesson in the child’s mind. 

Since it only takes a few minutes to give a lesson, 



Rewarding the child for the first time in the lesson. 
Principles involved; Suggestion Approval and Co-opera¬ 
tion, 


Illustration B 

























f 





























































































. 




















; 
























LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


75 


repeat the lesson several different times, using dif¬ 
ferent attractive objects each time, so that the child 
may learn to heed the command, “Don’t touch,” per¬ 
fectly while you are near him. 

Many questions are asked about the proper use 
of “Do” and “Don’t.” Accordingly, the next few 
pages are devoted to specific advice on the proper 
use of each. 

THE USE OF DO AND DON’T 

There are two situations in which you should say, 
“Do,” alone. By “Do” is meant merely the positive 
When to ^ea as °PP ose ^ 1° the negative in the 

Say do matter of giving commands. In the 
first place, you would very obviously 
use “Do” or its equivalent whenever you want your 
child to obey any positive command, such as “Come 
here,” or “Bring my slippers,” or “Sweep the 
kitchen.” 

Secondly, whenever there is both a positive and 
negative aspect to the same command: that is, when¬ 
ever to do one thing means not to do the other, or to 
do the other means not to do the one, then use “Do.” 
For example, instead of saying, “Now don’t be so 
lazy and kill so much time,” say, “Complete y*ur 
task in a given time,” or instead of saying, “Don’t 
spill that water,” say, “See how carefully you can 
carry the pitcher,” or instead of saying, “Don’t put 
the coffee-grounds in the sink,” say, “Always put 
the grounds in the garbage-can.” 

There is one situation and only one in which you 


76 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


should say, “Don’t,” alone. That is when a small 
child is unavoidably in a situation 
Say Don't where there is some sort of attractive 
but forbidden object that sooner or 
later will capture his entire attention. The diverting 
method may be used up to a certain point, but finally 
his mind will be set upon the one object, and whether 
his hands have already touched it or whether they 
are just about to touch it, you should use “Don’t.” 
You will have no trouble getting him to obey if you 
have taught negative obedience correctly. 

Occasions for giving negative commands should 
be made as few as possible. If negative commands 
are given too frequently, it will tend 

When Neither to arouse opposition, while if a nega¬ 
tive command is given only when 
necessary, and given in a proper spirit, it will cause 
no antagonism. When the child is engaged in doing 
something which is absolutely harmless, you should 
say neither “Do” nor “Don’t.” Let him alone.. Con¬ 
stant interruptions of the natural course of a child’s 
thoughts is a serious injury. Let him grow; let his 
spontaneity be unhindered. He must not be culti¬ 
vated by continuous attention into an over-managed 
weakling. 

There is one situation in which you should say 
both “Do” and “Don’t.” That is when obedience 
to the positive command alone does 
When Both not imply the negative, but each must 
be noted separately. For example, if 
you tell your boy to mow a small lawn in the center 
of which is a cherry tree that you do not wish to be 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


77 


molested, you must not only tell the boy that he is 
to mow, but also that he is not to injure the tree 
with the mower. 

This command may be given so that it sounds like 
a more positive command, such as the following: 
“You may mow the lawn without letting the mower 
strike the tree in the center.” Here the word “with¬ 
out” conveys the negative idea. Any mention made 
of the tree, together with the idea which the boy is 
to have concerning it, is the same as a negative 
command—just as much as if the word “Don’t” were 
used. 

Another situation is that in which you want to 
keep children quiet and also prevent them from doing 
many things which they are sure to attempt unless 
they are forbidden. It is good policy to indulge the 
children by frequent use of “Do” in regard to their 
own interests, in order that your “Don’t” may have 
effect. 

To illustrate: a mother takes four young children 
who are full of life to church with her. They are 
continually jumping up out of their seats. Most 
people think the mother should be more strict and 
stem and should order them to sit down in such a 
way that they will obey. But that is just what she 
attempts and it is ineffective. 

She keeps a firm look on her face all the time and 
the moment any one of her children jumps up, she 
tells him to sit down in an instant, but she has 
to keep repressing them, one after the other, 
continually. 

Now what is her trouble? In the first place, she 


78 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


lias not correctly taught her children to obey at 
home. Secondly, instead of not being strict enough, 
she is too strict. She is continually saying, “Don’t,** 
and keeps a sober look on her face all the while. 
Thirdly, her “Don’t” comes after the offense each 
time, so that it has the effect of scolding or fault¬ 
finding. She should smile with her children in every¬ 
thing they do which she can commend at all; then, 
when she wants to tell them what to be careful 
about, let her look sober for just an instant; then 
her advice will count for more. The principle of 
expectancy should be applied in this way—assuming 
that to stand on the seat in church is a bad thing and 
that it should not be tolerated under any circum¬ 
stances, she should raise her eyebrows as she tells 
them they must not stand on the seat. 

The secret is for her to commend and agree with 
them just as far as possible and to say, “Don’t” 
only when absolutely necessary. When a mother 
scolds for too many little things, she soon has prac¬ 
tically no control. In fact, it may be said that one 
of the most general causes of disobedience is insuffi¬ 
cient commendation, indulgence or privilege granted 
by the parents, 

A child needs to be constantly encouraged. When 
reprimanded for every small error and not praised 
for his good deeds, there is no adequate incentive to 
good behavior or to compliance with the wishes of 
his parents. 

Whenever you prohibit a child from carrying out 
his desire, be sure that you have something better for 
him to do, and look ahead to see that the child is 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


79 


started in the right direction before he begins in 
the wrong. 

Many a child has been made a transgressor by the 
suggestion contained in the use of “Don’t.” A mother 
can very easily get into the habit of saying, “Don’t,” 
to everything. “Don’t drop your crumbs.” “Don’t” 
put that in your mouth.” “Don’t make so much 
noise.” And always such commands come after the 
„ , offense. Furthermore, the “Don’t” 

Remarks is generally in regard to some trivial 
act of offense—an offense which 
would be considered no offense at all, in itself, but 
the suggestion to the child is that he has committed 
something wrong just as many times as he has heard 
the word “Don’t” and the child, therefore, gets to 
thinking he is disobedient and naturally bad, etc. 
It is a commonly observed fact that when a child of 
any age once thinks he is bad and realizes that others 
consider him bad, he will thereafter live up to his 
reputation. 

It is an easy matter to teach undesirable habits to 
the child by this sort of suggestion. Let us suppose 
that, by accident at first, the child, being sleepy, 
drops his rattlebox. The mother picks it up and 
says coaxingly, “Don’t throw it away—here, take 
it.” The baby never even thought of throwing it 
away until the mother suggested the idea. He is 
now wide awake. He does, in reality, throw it away 
next time. And the mother becomes aggravated as 
she picks up the toy one time after another. The 
baby naturally reflects the mother’s mood and be¬ 
comes cross. 


80 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


So it often happens that the mother, by her use of 
“Don’t,” puts disobedient thoughts into the child’s 
head. Many children hear “Don’t” so often and 
disobey it so frequently that the command becomes 
almost meaningless to them. 

All those who have studied children agree upon the 
fact that the use of many “Don’ts” has a bad effect. 
But the too-frequent use of “Do” is almost equally 
bad. The proper use of the positive command will be 
explained fully in connection with the regular lessons 
on obedience. 


Lesson 4 * 

AIM 

To teach an infant to mind the command, “Don’t 
touch,” when he is at a distance. 

PREPARATION 

Place a small doll (or any object with which the 
child likes to play) in the center of a room on the 
floor and set a stool about two feet from it. 

DEFINITE INSTRUCTIONS 

Carry the child into the room, set him on the floor 
so that his right side is toward the stool and his feet 
about six inches from the doll. 

Immediately sit down on the stool, put out your 
right hand, palm down, and say, “Don’t touch it.” 
Then lean forward, almost before the child has 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


81 


time to reach for it, pick up the doll with your right 
hand and give it to the child. 

Wait a few seconds, then reach over, take the 
doll away gently, place it back on the floor again 
where it was. Take your hand off the doll quickly, 
and slide your stool back about a foot, lean forward, 
put out your right hand, palm down, and say, 
“Don’t’ touch it.” 

The idea is to keep the child’s attention off the doll 
as much as possible, and more on you, because if his 
attention is directed too strongly on the object of 
his desire, he will have a tendency to reach for it. In 
just a second or two after you say, “Don’t touch it,” 
if the child’s attention is still on you, or if he is 
making no attempt to get the doll, reach out again 
and give it to the child as before. 

Let the child play with it for a few more seconds 
and then remove it again in a way that will not make 
him cry and set it back on the floor. Repeat your 
quick movements as before, keeping the child’s atten¬ 
tion on you while you slide the stool back another 
foot or even farther, if you are sure that you can 
keep the child from touching the doll while you are 
away from him. Say, “Don’t touch it,” then give it 
to the child yourself. 

In case the child should at any time during the 
lesson reach for the object or actually grasp it with 
his hands when he was not supposed to do so, do not 
shout or say anything at all, but pull your stool up 
next to him quickly and begin over. 

That is, take the doll out of the child’s hands, 
place it in front of the child’s feet, draw your right 


82 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


hand back almost to your chest, palm down, and say 
slowly and firmly, “Don’t touch it.” Be prepared 
with your left hand, so that if the child moves his 
arm toward the object you can quickly check him. 
Say, “Don’t touch it,” slowly, in a low voice two or 
three times while you are in that position and pre¬ 
pared to check him. Slide your stool back only a 
few inches, then, and do not take any more risks 
during the remainder of the lesson. 

Let the lesson end by giving the doll to the child 
and allowing him to play with it. 

COMMENTS 

The thing you are after in the above lesson is to 
convey the idea to your child that the command, 
“Don’t touch it,” means the same thing whether you 
are near him or not. 

You cannot do all this in one five-minute lesson. 
You can, however, do it in two or three five-minute 
lessons, such as Lesson 4. 

A practical idea for you to work on in teaching 
obedience is this: go just as fast as the child will 
allow you to go in teaching him. If he keeps his 
hands off an object when you are three feet away, 
go a foot or two farther and test him at that dis¬ 
tance, then a foot farther, and so on. If you lose 
control at any step, begin at the first again, and 
gradually get farther away. 

It is tempting for some mothers, 
impatience after the child has touched the object 
while they were too far away from 
him to prevent it, to want to return to the child 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


83 


quickly and slap him for that action, but this would 
do no good. A slap given to a small child never does 
any good unless it is given in such a way and so 
quickly after the action that it works on the child’s 
mind the same as a reflex to the impulse. Therefore, 
two or three seconds may be altogether too late to 
be of any profit to the child. 

Whenever you happen to fail at any point in ex¬ 
emplifying the spirit of the lesson outlined above in 
detail, you should give other lessons similar to Les¬ 
son 4 and repeat until you succeed; then you will 
find it great pleasure to see how much you can con¬ 
trol your child. 

After you have taught him to obey when you give 
both a command and a motion of your hand, he will 

then obey either the command by it- 
The Child's J .. , / , 

Attention self or the motion ot your hand 

without the command. Be sure that 
you have the child’s attention and make your ges¬ 
tures plainly enough so that he will know what you 
mean. Many times you may find it convenient when 
talking with friends simply to indicate your wish to 
the child by a motion of your hand alone. 

But the main thing in Lesson 4 is to get the child 
used to controlling his hands while you are away 
from him. It is different from teaching him to keep 
hands off, a command when near him, because then 
you have a direct check on disobedience and can 
prohibit his action with your own hand. 

Lesson 4 is so devised that the child does not have 
time to realize that there is any difference—does not 
think but that you have just as much control of him 


84 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


when far away as when you are near him. So the 
thing to do is to work fast; keep the child busy pay¬ 
ing attention to you all the time. If you were to let 
his attention remain on the doll very long when you 
are distant, he would probably reach for it, and in 
that case he would find out that he could get it when 
you are at a distance. So take no risks. Keep his 
attention on you as much as you can, after saying, 
“Don’t touch it,” give the object to the child almost 
before he thinks about reaching for it the first few 
times. 

A child of this age cannot see the distinction be¬ 
tween merely having his attention taken away from 
the forbidden object and obeying your command not 
to touch the object. So if you allow him to have the 
object after keeping his attention from it a few 
seconds, you are at the same time rewarding him for 
obeying the command, “Don’t touch.” The two 
ideas (“hands off” and “don’t touch”) will easily 
associate themselves in the child’s mind. 

Commands lose their force through the use of too 
many “don’ts.” 

EXAMPLE 1 

Mrs. Virginia Keigwin of Delaware was extremely 
anxious to have eleven-months-old Johnnie obey her 
commands. 

Her home was filled with ornaments within reach 
of Johnnie’s fingers, and yet forbidden to him. She 
literally followed him momentarily and forbade his 
touching this and that. Whenever anything was 
broken it meant only a more constant watchfulness. 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


85 


Johnnie was himself confused as to what to play with. 
Both mother and child were becoming worn out when 
Mrs. Riggs, a wise elder cousin of Mrs. Keigwin, 
came to visit her for a few days. 

One morning the guest said: 

“Virginia, you are working too hard at keeping 
Johnnie out of things.” 

“I know I am, but how can I help it? I have no 
nursery and I won’t change the whole house into one. 
The rest of us must live as well as Johnnie.” 

“Make him a little nursery,” suggested Mrs. 
Riggs. 

Then she went on to describe a pen for Johnnie 
made of a stout little fence placed in a convenient 
comer of the living room. 

Her plans were carried out. Johnnie was placed 
in his little fence-inclosed nursery and given a few 
harmless playthings. Few commands were then re¬ 
quired. Mrs. Keigwin and Johnnie both rested hap¬ 
pily. Mrs. Riggs had solved the problem by remov¬ 
ing the occasion for constant friction between mother 
and child. 

COMMENTS 

It is better to avoid occasions for giving com¬ 
mands as much as possible at first, except when 
giving your lessons. Even after you have given your 
child all the lessons up to this point, do not give any 
more negative commands than necessary. It takes 
practice before the average person can easily avoid 
giving unnecessary commands, but there is much to 
be gained by it. In so far as it is convenient, let the 


86 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


child see only such objects as he may be allowed to 
handle. Then you can save your negative com¬ 
mands for objects which are unavoidably in his sight. 

Not only do mothers, in their regular routine, have 
a tendency to use too many don’ts, but it is common 
practice to give the commands too late. Especially 
is it necessary to give the command first when giving 
a definite lesson. 

EXAMPLE 2 

Mrs. Wood’s nine-months-old baby Richard was 
an exceptionally active child. He was one of those 
babies who go everywhere in a house and never lose 
an opportunity to “get into things.” 

Mrs. Wood had read a description in a current 
magazine of how to teach a baby not to touch. In 
this article the writer had not made clear the point 
that the command, “Don’t touch,” must precede the 
child’s least attempt to seize or handle the forbidden 
article. 

Therefore, in teaching Richard according to the 
method read, Mrs. Wood never said “Don’t touch” 
until after the child had started to reach for the 
article. Her command was simultaneous with her 
restraint upon the baby’s arm, and so Richard did 
not learn the meaning of the command. Nor was he 
able to restrain himself without his mother’s touch 
upon his arm when she was near. 

Mrs. Wood’s mother, Mrs. Wakefield, watched with 
interest her daughter’s attempt to use “new-fangled 
notions” in rearing Richard. Mrs. Wakefield be¬ 
lieved in her own method of child training, which was 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


87 


to spank the baby every time he was “caught” with 
a forbidden object. One morning Mrs. Wood had 
left the pantry door ajar and had gone to work in 
the sewing-room. Richard was playing with empty 
spools on the sewing-room floor. 

Half an hour later Mrs. Wakefield came in and 
said at once, “Where’s Richard?” He was gone! A 
search through the house revealed that he was seated 
in the pantry playing, delightedly, with a basket of 
eggs. Broken eggs surrounded and covered him. 
He greeted his mother and grandmother with a crow 
of delight. 

Mrs. Wakefield said, “Now, daughter, haven’t I 
told you to spank that child whenever he went to the 
pantry door? What good is your magazine in a 
case like this?” 

Mrs. Wood pondered the situation. Her magazine 
writer had seemed to expect that she would be with 
the baby every time she wished to have him obey and 
never be able to leave a command with him . 

COMMENTS 

Mrs. Wood had to realize by actual experience 
that in order to teach the meaning of a command she 
must first give the command and then follow with 
the action necessary to make clear the meaning of 
the command. 

It may be that you will not find many occasions 
for making use of the point taught in Lesson 4, since 
in the regular routine it would be foolish to put 
objects out on the floor which you did not want 



88 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


touched, but I have put in Lesson 4 in order that 
you may teach it to your child if you need it. 

It is pleasing to know that you have a child taught 
so perfectly that in case of emergency you could 
control him even though you were some distance 
away. It may also prove convenient on many ordi¬ 
nary occasions. A mother may have her hands fully 
occupied or be otherwise engaged and would find it 
very helpful if she had such control that, by merely 
getting the child’s attention, she could cause him to 
understand and obey her commands. 

It must be said, however, that one must not expect 
too much of a baby less than a year old when he is 
at a distance from you. The advantage of Lesson 4 
will be realized only after you get the child’s atten¬ 
tion ; that if often not an easy thing to do when you 
are separated from the baby. Remember, also, that 
a single command to a baby influences him only for 
a moment. For example, if you present a baby with 
a strange object and tell him not to touch it, you 
could not justly consider that child disobedient un¬ 
less he touched it immediately. 

If a baby does not touch an object for a half 
minute after being told not to do so, you may con¬ 
sider him obedient. It would be poor judgment on 
your part to leave a forbidden object in reach as a 
constant temptation, because the child would finally 
touch it unless you give him a special lesson concern¬ 
ing that particular object. To do that, you would 
have to be with the child for a time, with the for¬ 
bidden object close at hand and check every attempt 
to touch it. 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


89 


Lesson 4 will be easier to teach a child one year 
old than one only six months of age, and the same 
is true also of the next lesson. 


Lesson 5 

AIM 

To teach a child to give up an object which he 
already has in his hands. 

PREPARATION 

Set a straight-back chair facing the side of a sofa. 
On the chair place a small rag doll. 

DEFINITE INSTRUCTIONS 

Carry the child into the room, set him on the sofa, 
facing your chair. Take up the rag doll from your 
chair and give it to him as you sit down. After help¬ 
ing the child to play with it for a moment, lean 
forward, stretch out both arms so that your hands 
meet, with palms up, right in front of the child’s 
hands. As you extend your arms, say, “Now give it 
to me” Give the child every possible suggestion by 
your movements that you want the doll placed in 
your hands, quickly take hold of the doll with your 
hand, etc. 

In case the child makes no motion at all toward 
your hands, quickly take hold of the doll with your 
right hand and loosen his hands with your left, then 
swing it around in a circle above your head twice 
and give it to the child, saying, “Now, you take it.” 


90 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


Sit back in jour chair again and in a few seconds 
lean forward and ask for the doll in the same manner 
as before. 

The child will probably throw up his hands or 
make some motion. If so, say, “That’s it, give it to 
me.” He will likely not let loose, without your help¬ 
ing him, so loosen his hands with your left hand as 
before, and swing the doll over your head again, end¬ 
ing the movement by placing the doll in the child’s 
hands. 

Repeat this procedure until the child will let loose 
of his own accord, whenever you merely hold out both 
hands. 

As soon as you feel that the child has caught the 
point of the lesson, namely, to let loose of the object 
whenever you hold out both hands, palms up, end the 
lesson by giving him the doll and letting him play 
with it. 

COMMENTS 

In case you do not happen to have a rag doll, 
select any object that is soft. A soft object is 
preferable because often children, when being given 
this lesson, throw up their hands and drop the ob¬ 
ject, and if it falls upon the floor and makes a noise 
their minds are more on the point of making a noise 
than on giving you the object. 

A very important point about selecting objects is 
to choose those which are harmless and also unbreak¬ 
able. For example, to teach a child to keep his hands 
off of a costly vase or something of that sort, we do 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


91 


not use the vase in giving the lesson, but, instead, 
some common article of little value. We can teach 
obedience just as well with a tin cup as with a costly 
vase, so it is only common sense to use inexpensive 
articles in giving the lessons. 

In case your signal, for taking up the child to 
carry him, is the same as that suggested for making 
him give up an object, you should change the latter 
sufficiently to prevent the child from confusing the 
two. 

In regard to swinging the doll in a circle above 
your head: this was for the purpose of making the 
child curious and desirous that you have the object 
as well as himself, so that it makes the child more 
willing to let go. You could, of course, teach the 
lesson, without that movement—giving the object 
back to the child the instant you take it away. This, 
in case the child lets loose at all of his own accord, 
would serve as a reward for so doing. That is, the 
child would soon begin to realize that the quicker 
he let loose, the quicker he would get back the object. 
On the other hand, if instead of letting the child 
have the object most of the time in this lesson, you 
were to keep it yourself too long, it would be more 
difficult to get it the next time. 

Of course, later on, you can ask your child to 
surrender articles and you will not need to give them 
back immediately or at all if you do not wish to, 
because he will have learned to obey. 

The child in this first lesson cannot be made to 
hand you the object very gracefully. In fact, his 
motions will be very crude. But you should continue 


92 


PRACTICAL CHILD TRAINING 


the lesson until you are sure that the child has the 
idea of the lesson. 

As soon as you feel sure that the child has formed 
the association between your moving your hands up 
and down and letting the object loose, then stop the 
lesson at once. If the lesson is continued too long 
the baby gets tired and the lesson ends badly. 

EXAMPLE 

Mrs. Blakeslee of Wisconsin had been an untiring 
student and a renowned teacher. She believed in 
thoroughness. Her eleven-months-old baby, Billy, 
was destined to be most thoroughly trained. She 
was right in beginning his training thus early, but 
she had been accustomed to teaching children of 
school age and could not easily adjust herself to a 
less rigorous handling of a case. 

When she taught Billy a lesson she was loath to 
stop when the child had seemed to grasp the idea to 
be taught. She repeated the lesson again and again 
without allowing Billy any relaxation. She was so 
eager to get the lesson drilled into his little mind 
that she was not satisfied to wait a few hours before 
repeating, fearing that without this drill he would 
forget his lesson. 

She failed to consider the ease with which most 
babies learn even a language without any drill what¬ 
soever. The result of unduly lengthening a lesson 
by repetition was to tire Billy so much that he pouted 
and refused to heed Mrs. Blakeslee at all. 

Even after he showed signs of weariness his mother 
tried against his will to cause him to obey. 


LESSONS IN OBEDIENCE 


93 


Because of her insistence Billy came to dislike his 
lessons, and even finally to pout as soon as he heard 
certain words which were associated in his little mind 
with the idea of unpleasant drill. 

COMMENTS 

Five minutes only is required to give any of these 
lessons, and you may decide for yourself as to the 
number of times it is necessary to repeat any given 
lesson. The aim of each lesson is stated at the begin¬ 
ning, as you have noted; it is quite reasonable to 
repeat a given lesson as often as necessary to teach 
each point perfectly. 

If you have read these first five lessons carefully 
enough to get the spirit of them, you will not have 
any trouble in dealing with any infant from six 
months to one year old. When I say get the spirit 
of the lessons, I mean you will have a sufficient con¬ 
ception of correct methods of procedure so that you 
will not need to stop with these few lessons, but can 
always suit your actions rightly to the behavior of 
the infant. For example, if sometime your child 
were to fall into the habit of giving up an object with 
too great reluctance, it would be wise to give another 
lesson or two similar to Lesson 5. 

It is important to note this point, however, that if 
you really apply the spirit of these lessons your 
child will not become lax but rather more perfect in 
obedience. In other words, everything you do with 
the child will be a lesson in the right sort of obedi¬ 


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